Reasons why is great to be a girl
Textos en inglés
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Men will never appreciate chocolate like we appreciate chocolate.
It's harder for us to splash wee down our trousers but not impossible.
We've got tits. And we can play with them whenever we like.
We have more erogenous zones.
Our genitals are prettier.
We can cover our desks with elaborate stationery from Paperchase.
We don't get any spontaneous erections during a massage.
When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When blokes buy a blow-up doll, it's sad.
Our orgasms last longer.
We can use cosmetic goodies to help us out should we wake up looking like toss in the morning.
We don't have to get our strength up between sessions....
Maternity Leave - six months paid holiday and all you have to do is have a baby
We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old gits.
We never ejaculate prematurely.
We know that tetris is the computer game to end all games.
We got off the Titanic first.
Circumcision is not an option.
We can make the men in accounts blush by talking about our sex lives in the lift.
We're never expected to refill the water cooler.
We can do better stuff with our hair.
For some reason we believe in the life changing potential of AHA's.
We don't grow nose hair.
We can wear open-toed sandals in the summer, with no real fear of social ostracism.
Wigs, we can wear them and be fashionable.
We are allowed to wear skirts and trousers with pleats in them without having to plead scottishness.
Our boyfriends clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look like complete dicks in ours.
We have total control over our eyebrows.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mummy's boy.
Who really controls the population?
We look good in second hand gear, and therefore save money by goingto car boot sales. When men do the same thing they look like they're wearing clothes someone died in. Which they are.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We are more than capable of changing fuses. It's just that we have betterthings to do with our time.
With David Ginola, men can only be fans. We however, are potential shags.
We understand the true value of money (More lipstick, shoes and vodka)
We can go all weak and therefore carry fewer bags home from Sainsbury's.
We are statistically less likely to get caught when we have affairs.
We might grow up to be Lauren Bacall.
Men still think they have to pay for our dinner (fools).
We always get rings when we get engaged and married. (Which we can always sell later if everything goes pear shaped.)
We can flirt with waiters in Cafe Rouge and get served first.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts... and pool..and football.
There's always a freebie 'laydeez nite' to be had when times are really hard.
We're allowed to be angry with blokes when they leave the loo seat up. They however, have no comeback when we leave it down.
We live longer, so we can be can takeous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers.
Men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We know that computer games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of our genitals.
Taxis stop for us.
We can play the single scared female card with the AA if we breakdown at night.
We get drunk quicker, and cheaper.
We're expected to sit down in pubs. And we are not percieved as sub-standard representatives of our sex if we choose to.
We can pretend to be pregnant and get lots of attention on buses...
...or we can be pregnant and get lot's of attention everywhere.
Women's mags give better free gifts.
We have no desire to arrange our possesions in alphabetical order. Ever.
Let's face it, we've got a better chance of getting a degree.
We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
It does not enhance our social standing to understand the workings of the offside trap (or any other wank football thing).But we look incredibly cool if we do.
We don't sulk for a fortnight when caught incorrectly identifying actors from obscure 70's detective programmes.
You don't catch many girls driving tractors for a living.
...or freezing on the hard shoulder of the M25.
We can read Jackie Collins, Peter Hoeg and Jane Austen all in oneweek without compromising our sexuality....
....but we'll never have to read Bravo Two Zero by ex SAS bloke Andy McNab.
We never recognise ourselves in aspects of Alan Partridge.Ever.
Some-how we just know about horoscopes.
We don't have to leave early on a Saturday night to get home in time for match of the day.
Watching scores on Teletext for hours at a time doesn't work for us.
Girls are much better dancers. Sorry. We just are.
We can watch the 'Fast Show' without having to memorise the script to impress work colleagues.
"The future of rock belongs to women" (Curt Cobain, 1994)
Chilli tolerance is not a measure of our social worth.
We'll never be Jeremy Clarkson...
...but, if we wanted to, we could be It girls and do nothing but go to parties all the time.
Drinking cocktails is strictly for girls.
We can wear pink.
And throw underarm in Rounders.
And sit-cross legged.
How hard we are relates directly to our tolerance to hot waxing. It has nothing to do with fighting people at football matches.
Three small words - 'John', 'Wayne' and 'Bobbitt'.
Mr. Stewart's wife
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